The way we communicate with each other is often completely automated and we spend little time questioning our communication.

The key to deep connection and authenticity lies in the art of how we communicate with our fellow human beings.

A core element of authentic communication is being able to allow vulnerability in order to create deeper connections. Especially in today’s world, almost everyone tries to maintain a polished façade and avoid revealing insecurities or weaknesses for fear of being rejected or misunderstood.

The actual intention behind it is beautiful – you want to be loved and belong. But ironically, this facade robs you of the opportunity to build deep and intimate relationships.

In the moments when vulnerability is allowed lies the opportunity to build trust and closeness. When you show yourself to be vulnerable, you give the other person the opportunity to see you in your authenticity. This openness creates trust, because the person you are talking to recognizes that you are not hiding behind masks or facades. Vulnerability signals that you are willing to go to a deeper emotional level, even if this means taking risks. It is often a sign of courage and strength when you reveal your inner insecurities, fears or mistakes.

Vulnerability gives you the opportunity to be open and honest too. This mutual openness creates an atmosphere of acceptance and compassion. In a world that is often focused on perfectionism and control, vulnerable communication acts as an invitation to genuine, undisguised encounters.

Another core element of good communication is listening. Really deep listening goes far beyond simply hearing words – it means being truly present and giving the other person your undivided attention. It also means being deeply interested in what is being revealed to you from a non-judgmental space. Listening deeply means not thinking about a story you want to share while you are listening, but being fully engaged with the person you are talking to.

If you can listen deeply, you open yourself to the emotions behind the words and also perceive what is not said. It is an act of appreciation and compassion that allows you to create real connections. In moments like these, the other person feels truly seen and heard – and this creates a special closeness that can never be achieved through superficial small talk.

Finally, it can also be extremely valuable if you can feel at home on different levels of communication. The vast majority of people limit themselves to two levels of communication in the everyday world.

As the name suggests, the information level is used exclusively for the exchange of information. It is a factual level that generally describes circumstances. An example of this would be. “I had a conflict with a colleague two weeks ago.”

This level is often supplemented by the personal level. This level usually consists of a story that reflects the personal impact that this situation had at the time in a certain form. To take up the example from above, the statement could look like this: “I had a conflict with a colleague two weeks ago. It made me really angry.”

Once the story of the personal level has been “written”, it is rarely questioned and a certain distance is created from the experience.

This is where you can start to open up a very deep level of communication again, namely the real-time level. You can find out what the experience is doing to the person in the here and now. This often opens up completely new ways of thinking, feelings and a deep level of authentic communication.

So would you ask the above example: “And what is this situation doing to you right now when you think about it?”. One answer could be: “Now that you ask, I realize that it actually makes me sad to have had the argument. I would be happy if we could get along again.”

However, this type of reflection is often prevented by the story we have created for ourselves at the personality level. The real-time level is therefore a very powerful communication tool for honest, close and trusting communication. Asking questions encourages mutual openness. The interviewee feels deeply heard and also has the opportunity to think about what has happened in a new way.

In addition to the real-time level, there is also the real-time relationship level, which opens up an extremely vulnerable channel that can be very enriching for all conversation partners. A classic question from this level would be “How are you feeling with me right now?”

In particular, the questioner opens himself up to a potentially unpleasant answer which can then invite deep reflection.

In addition to these external levels of communication, I would also like to say a few words about internal communication… but as this would go beyond the scope of this blog article, there will be a separate article on this.

I hope you enjoyed the article and I look forward to positive but also critical feedback 🙂